L.C. McQuillen
25.10.23
When I started to heal
I didn’t realize how
Uncertain
It would feel
That the stages of
Self repair so clearly mapped out
By scholars
Felt like they hit
All at the same time
And as I began to
Search for myself
Unsure of myself
I’ve unsuppressed feelings
And they roar
And I want to scream
But I’m healing
And I need to keep level
Or I should be
secretly I’m still
So angry
But the healed forgive
And move on
Trying to accept
What I’ve been through
And what I have done
I’m trying to start
Fresh and again
Trying to subdue the residual effects
From years of my neglected essence
And as my body slowly adjusts
Releasing the tense muscles
I’ve held so long
My mind consumes the excess energy
A constant rewiring of thought processes
Resentful
Trying to be grateful
Second guessing
Trying to be confident
Mourning
Trying to be positive
Disassociated
Trying to be whole
Terrified
Trying to be strong
Tired
Trying to get up
When does trying lead to being
Healing is a long and twisted road